my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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