Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
