I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
