I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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