is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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