I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize