DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
