I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Im part way to drunk.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
