I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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