i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
