Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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