Fuck appropriateness.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
