She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
