We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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