in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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