the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
