listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize