if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
