life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
