apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
