I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
