That's when you crack a 10am beer
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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