Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
