Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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