Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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