Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
