I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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