but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
