I think I am morally bankrupt
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
