do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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