the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
