Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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