Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
