I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
