I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
