rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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