yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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