My nipple is on Facebook.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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