Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
