My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize