I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
