if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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