i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have fence marks all over my body
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
