I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
