Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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