when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize