Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
