My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
