OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
