She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my sisters under your porch take her home
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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