i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
