come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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