His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
