Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
