Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
