haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my being single is dangerous.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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