some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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