P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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