Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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