he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
