After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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