just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
