You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
