I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
