the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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