how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
